I posted this on Instagram last night.
By the time I got home, I felt entirely peopled out. I may only have a chain on my front door, not an actual drawbridge, but closing that door on the world, particularly on a Friday night, and hearing that metallic slide… it’s one of my favourite sounds.
The past few weeks have included shouting, doors being slammed, and seemingly endless defences rather than fixes… it’s exhausting.
After a scramble to fix a last minute oversight, it was just more of the same. I’m so worn out by it. Worn out.
Yesterday there were tears in the afternoon (mine), and today I’m left feeling depleted and a little trapped in my current situation at work. Ugh.
So, this weekend is all about retreat, replenishing my emotional tanks and enjoying the simple things.
Things like the sounds of morning birdsong and turning over to snooze for another hour or two, the comfort of pjs, downloading new books from Amazon (thank you 99 cent sale!) and fossicking in my kitchen for simple snacks.
The news coming out of Paris today is just horrible, and after watching a little of the coverage, which in the early hours of an attack like this quickly becomes looped replays of politicians and police at barricades, I switched back to easier-on-the-heart design shows.
My beautful friend Sarah was in Paris just a matter of days ago, and her social media feed showed the power and beauty of that city. I am thrilled that she is safely back in the arms of her family today. Thrilled and relieved.
We are so fragile, whether we consider ourselves safe and secure or not, we are ultimately not in control of our lives.
We go to Bali and get stuck there by ash clouds, we go to a concert and find ourselves in the midst of a massacre, we go for a drive and get in an accident, we get bad news from the doctor. And we sometimes feel fear and lack of control in our homes, workplaces and hearts.
We need to look after ourselves, and each other.
We need to look after ourselves, and each other. (It’s worth saying twice, don’t you think?)
In that spirit, this weekend I’m in retreat, staying put at home, looking after myself.
I’m heartened by the words of love and solidarity with the people of Paris that I’ve seen on Twitter and Instagram, and relieved that I can retreat, knowing others can’t put up the drawbridge on the issues they’re battling with.
The thought of being out of control in life can be daunting, and while I think it’s something we need to acknowledge, I don’t think it’s healthy to dwell on it.
The best thing any of us can do is get up and get on with being kind, putting good energy into our relationships, doing our bit in times of trouble, keeping an eye out for our sisters, neighbours, colleagues, Instapeeps and blog buddies. You can add the guys at your school, soccer club, craft crew or Trekkie hangout to the list.
Keep an eye on those people. They need you, and you need them. Keep an eye on yourself too. You matter.
I’ll be getting up and getting on with it too, but not for a few days yet.
Big love to you and yours,