We Aussies love a TV series, especially a home-grown one. This year’s breakout smash seems to be LoveChild – and it’s the stuff of a television producer’s dreams. I can almost hear the pitch now ‘Imagine this, a show set in an era that evokes nostalgia for more than one key demographic of our audience, with awesome music and vibrant fashions, it will be a visual feast. We’ll have a really sexy cast – we might even lure that Rafters girl back from the US. And there will be romance and drama played out in an iconic Australian location, all set against the backdrop of huge social upheaval – and the cherry on top, evolving storylines surrounding unbelievable adoption practices. People will lap it up! It will be a smash, a ratings bonanza.’
And so it is. It is also my story, and the story of thousands and thousands of other Australians, those who were adopted, or who relinquished their babies, those who gratefully became parents via adoption, and those who had their potential parenthood ripped away from them, and of the people who allowed these things to happen.
Since the teasers started last year, I’d been wondering what LoveChild would be like – would it be true to the times, would it show the reality of what happened, would people want to watch that…. and I think it’s doing a pretty good job of being great television, which nods towards some of the ugly reality of what happened, but keeps the audience from feeling it too deeply – with great costumes, a feel-good soundtrack and other story lines that bring relief to the heaviness of the adoption aspects of the show.
I watched the first two episodes, and I really wanted to like it. I thought it might be a great way to bring the topic of adoption to a wider audience and give people opportunities to talk about their experiences – perhaps for the first time in decades, or ever.
I coped pretty well with it, until Annie was giving birth and they put that sheet up so she wouldn’t be able to see her baby. When that nurse rushed out of the room with Annie’s baby girl, and she couldn’t even catch a glimpse of her – well, I don’t mind telling you – I broke out in an instantaneous, head to toe, hot and cold sweat. I don’t expect people to understand that reaction fully, heck I don’t understand it fully, but what it proved to me, again, is that my adoption, which happened almost 46 years ago, still has a profound impact on me, at a cellular level. So much for the ‘clean break’ theory, or ‘getting over it’.
Sometimes when adoptees speak about adoption, people are quick to rush to the defence (perhaps unwittingly) of everyone but the adoptee – I can’t tell you how many adopted people have recounted stories about being asked how their desire to discuss their adoption openly, or search for their families, or express anger at past practices, is met with ‘oh but how will your (adoptive) parents feel about that?’ Then there’s the old ‘well darling, there was no single mother’s pension at the time, so your mother did the best she could for you and gave you up’. How the fuck would you know what my 17-year-old mother was feeling at the time? Seriously. The knee-jerk cliché thing is NOT HELPING anyone. If you don’t know what to say, say that – simply say, ‘I don’t know what to say’, and keep listening. And I can’t imagine how difficult it must be for those teenage girls, now in their sixties, to open up about having their babies taken, to be listened to and not shooshed or told ‘it’s all in the past’. It isn’t, it can’t be left behind.
Here’s what they didn’t know about adoption then, that is being realised and felt across the country, and the world – adoption has life-long ramifications. These are felt by adoptees, natural/birth/original parents and their extended families, adoptive parents, siblings, partners and children of adoptees. Perhaps one of the saddest, most heartbreaking revelations is that sincere, deep love for adoptive children actually hasn’t been enough to make adoption a once-in-time, impact free event.
It pains me to say it, but love isn’t all we need. We need to accept reality, we need to face up to the impact that the past has had, and is still having, on hundreds of thousands of lives here in Australia. We need to have a frank, open, continuing dialogue about adoption, and the commodifying of children, which is ongoing. We need not to be swayed by movie stars who have made intercountry adoption ‘trendy’, nor by politicians who will do anything to make themselves appealing to the electorate. We need to listen to the stories of adoptees, of those mini-skirted teenagers of the 1960s (and their counterparts from surrounding decades), we need to undo the myths around adoption and open our eyes to the ways in which similar mistakes are still being made.
This is the extent of my family tree. This document wasn’t even typed until I was almost 10 years old. I guess the authorities hoped they’d never need to type it. All babies have families of origin, to deny that is utterly destructive.
For my then 17-year-old mother, who is now 62, I wonder if you’re watching LoveChild and thinking of me….. I wonder if I will ever muster the courage to search for you, and if you would welcome that, or if it would be too heartbreaking for you to face it…. I wonder.
I won’t be watching LoveChild anymore, I don’t need to watch it, I’m living it.
For anyone tempted to comment about how I haven’t told the full story, to take me to task because not all adoptees feel the same way, of course I haven’t, and I know that, but this is part of my story, and nobody can ‘shoosh’ me or judge my experience. Nothing I’ve written here makes me ‘ungrateful’ or disloyal to my family. This happened to me, and if that makes you uncomfortable, there’s nothing I can do about that. I welcome your thoughtful questions and comments.
If this post raises any issues for you, please contact Lifeline 13 11 14.
I Give You The Verbs 
Hi Annette,
Thanks for sharing such a personal story. You have been so supportive of everyone’s blogging journey in our Blogging with Pip class and have such a generous spirit. I wouldn’t doubt for a second that your biological mother thinks about you every day and would be proud to know you. It is easy to take pretty pictures of things and write about them, it’s much harder to write a piece like this.
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Carolyn, I really appreciate you taking the time to comment, with such kind words. Thank you.
And let’s hope I find a balance of pretty things and these kinds of posts – I really want this space to have both.
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Oh yes Annette, please keep the pretty things coming (particularly the baking)! It is hard to be talented at both types of posting but I think you may be able to nail it.
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Thanks Carolyn, I’ll do my best!
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I don’t know what to say, but I will keep listening & reading. I will say you are a brave, glorious woman, with such strength to speak your experience and truth. And I know for a fact, FOR A FACT! That I will not be a lonely voice in my words here x
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Thank you Candice. You got it!
It’s definitely part of my purpose to share my story – I hope people can receive it in the spirit it’s given.
I appreciate your words so much.
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A big, tough post. Well done you. Haven’t watched any of the series yet. Have recorded it. Not sure if I’m watching it or not yet. Good luck tomorrow!
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Give it a go – I think it’s got a real value for people with ‘eyes to see’.
Thanks – I’m hoping tomorrow will go well.
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Wow.
Well Annette, I am 42. My mum fell pregnant at 17, had me at 18. My father was 20..and 21 at my birth. They had only been together 8 weeks. Mum was at school.
But my story is different to yours. My parents married. And 43 years later, still are. And still in love.
They call me their lovechild. For years i thought i had ruined their lives, and i carried that burden.then I went overseas for awhile..and they came to visit..with my sister and brother. At the end of their stay with us, I asked my Mum to writ in my diary..(i was a bit of a diary fiend)..and she wrote something that changed my perception. She wrote about how much My being had shaped her life and Dad’s into the wonderful life she now had. Without me,, they may have drifted..but i sharpened and gave purpose to their lives… I cried and cried and cried. i wish you had a story like mine. But your story makes me want to ring my parents and tell them how proud of them I am and how amazing they were for not listening to those who said they would not, could not. do it… And hug them tight. Thanks for reminding me…xxxxx
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Shani, this is precisely my point – we all have different experiences with adoption – for you it’s a fantastic ‘near miss’. Make that call.
That notion of ‘burden’ is one that I think people find hard to comprehend – but I have walked in those shoes, down a different street, too.
Thank you so much for joining the conversation. Your mum must have some powerful recollections of the pressures of those times.
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Can’t say it any better than Carolyn did. thankyou lady courage.
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Phew, I’m so glad people are ‘hearing’ me – everyone’s responses are so sweet – thank you so much.
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I don’t know what to say but I heard and felt everything you wrote. Well done!
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Shelley, you said just the right thing. Thank you. Thank you so much.
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All round forever heartache for all involved. No one can know how you feel or your birth mother and no one really talks about the fathers except mostly in a negative way. I agree that we need to talk more and listen more and not judge or push it under the carpet. Good on you for sharing in a most poignant way Annette and here is a (((hug))) for you-just because x
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Yes, you’re so right about the dads Jenny, they really got a crap deal in all of it – a lot of mothers wouldn’t put the father’s names on the birth certificates in case it led to criminal charges, there’s so much shame and secrecy still around fathers…. I have nothing more than the description in the photo I shared about my biological father – and thank you so much for the just because hug!
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Thanks for sharing Nettie. I haven’t watched much of the show but Em & Glenn have been watching it. During the bits that I did see, you were very much on my mind and I was wondering how accurate it was and how you were feeling. X
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Hi Coll, it’s certainly using things that really happened, but it’s being very tidied up and sanitised for TV. The Senate report would make you sick. Thanks for reading, and taking the time to comment.
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Thank you for sharing your story Annette, there is so much I want to say but I don’t know how to say it all without becoming an essay. I wish you courage, and strength and peace to whatever the future may one day reveal about your past x
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Better out than in Dani, feel free to send me an essay. Thanks for your kind words.
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I’m not surprised you had a physical reaction to that scene (or others)… That makes perfect sense. This is really well written, Annette. It gave me a much better understanding of your world. As you say experiences relating to adoption are different (and some very similar, i am sure), but this has helped me to gain an insight into one perspective I otherwise wouldn’t have. Thanks for writing it so clearly and obviously from the heart.
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Thanks so much Pip, I put a lot of effort into this one. I think there are lots of voices that aren’t being heard where this topic is concerned. It worries me that the voices that get the most media attention aren’t those of adoptees or biological parents. I’m glad people are reading and ‘hearing’ my voice.
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Annette, I can see why this was the post you had to write and what a well written and articulate post it is.
As for what you have and continue to endure, I have no adequate words, other than to say I am so sorry it happened and I admire your strength, honesty and courage.
Thank you for sharing your story.
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Thank you so much Vanessa. People are genuinely shocked when they hear about some of the things that went on – it had been very well covered up for too long. I am in awe of the mothers that campaigned for decades to have their stories heard. Just having people acknowledge our stories and say they are sorry is so powerful, and healing.
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Annette,
As a mother I can’t possibly fathom what those poor women went through. I’m not a daytime tv watcher but for some reason I flicked the box on the day Julia was apologising for forced adoption. I couldn’t help but cry when I saw the room full of women – mothers, and their children and in some cases grand children. What a shame. These people have missed out on family, on time and on their right to love and be loved. I had to tuck my children in one extra time that night and reminded myself how lucky I am.
Thanks for sharing.
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Cat, I was in Canberra that day – it was a day I just couldn’t miss. Amazing day of emotion and release for the hundreds of people in the room, and the thousands represented.
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Annette, this is so brave to talk about and you are right we rarely think about the adoptee. My first husband was adopted and my mother – in – law, when they would argue, would dare him to find his biological mother, almost as a test that he truly loved her. He never spoke about it but I can only imagine how that made him feel. He would always assure her that he wasn’t interested. He died 20 years ago and his adopted mother, now 80 is still worried we will try to find his biological mother.
My daughter was adopted by my second husband and still hates to field questions about it despite knowing her roots. She has said that she has had feelings of not belonging in the past. It’s an important conversation to have, so very important.
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It’s such a tangled web Sarah – for everyone involved. That issue of loyalty is one that I think to some degree, all adoptees struggle with. Some wouldn’t admit that, or would argue vehemently against feeling it (which kind of proves that it isn’t a settled issue) and the ‘threat’ of the other family is often keenly felt, especially in stressful situations.
Please TALK with your daughter and husband – honestly, the worst thing people can do is make it a ‘thing’ that shouldn’t be spoken about. Use the show to start a discussion with your husband, and your daughter. I can totally relate to her feelings of not belonging, it’s hard to explain to people who haven’t lived it.
Thank you for coming and sharing your story here, I’m so glad that I posted this tonight.
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Hi Annette. You are so right when you say that speaking about these things are so important. We are very open in our family. Unfortunately, our daughter’s feeling of not belonging came from when one of her cousins would tell her that she wasn’t really part of the family and that her grandparents weren’t really hers. Children can be so cruel. Thankfully, the lines of communication were very much open and our daughter could come to us. We nipped it in the bud immediately, but to some degree the seed had been sown and it has taken years of loving her to make her feel like her dad is her dad. When she is with her other grandmother, she feels torn, especially as her biological father died when she was 16 months. She just wants to be normal, which is what we all want at the end of the day. A family to call our own and a normal life. xx
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Sarah, that double loss of her dad and then struggling with idiotic comments about adoption must really suck for your daughter – it’s great that you’ve kept the talking going to make her feel safe and secure. I don’t want ‘normal’ for myself, I want to be okay with who I am, comfortable in my own skin, which takes work, and most days is really easy. I am super happy with that.
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Beautifully written Annette. I do not know what to say but you are a brave and beautiful soul. I really admire your courage of posting such a personal piece. You have given me a little push I needed to write some of my own story that I have been nervous about. xx
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Kate, thank you – I’ve definitely worked my way up to brave over the past few decades, and in writing about this. If my blog is going to be mine, it has to be a mix of fun, food, light and serious topics. Whatever you’re wanting to write about, do it. I’ve been so happy with the response tonight, even though I hesitated when pushing that Publish button.
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Hi Annette,
You’ve been such an inspiration to me during our blogging course, and I have really appreciated your enthusiasm and encouragement. Now you have so eloquently put into words such a challenging personal experience, and I admire you for that as well.
I haven’t watched the TV series, but thank you so much for helping me to have a better understanding of the issues it raises.
All the best,
Julie
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Julie, that’s so kind of you. Thank you for taking the time to comment. I am really appreciating everyone’s support tonight.
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I only made it to end of the first episode and I too had a massive reaction to the scene with the sheet. My aunt was made to relinquish her daughter and although both she and my gran were able to hold and name that child and I never even knew about her until my teens I feel like there’s a hole in me somehow.
Thank you for sharing your story. I think you are a very courageous person.
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I could have a cousin feeling that way too Karen…. sheesh.
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i had my daughter stolen from me at 16 years old, i say stolen, because the pressure put on me to sign was a unfightable situation, i agree that the pain to me is as bad if not worse (due to a veto placed so i can not contact) as when it all happened.The show does not show the depth of emotion it could, and no kind nurses etc were around in 1972, to help me fight,,shocking times,,what now to fix my situation and others
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Hello Pauleen, I am so, so sorry that happened to you – it is still unbelievable to me how recently these practices went on.
And criminalising contact between blood related adults is totally outrageous.
You’re right about the show, but it wouldn’t be a very popular if it went all out would it?
Thank you for taking the time to comment Pauleen. I sincerely wish you well. I hope you have access to a support group.
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Annette, I absolutely loved this post. Written from the heart. I can’t imagine the pain of being adopted and not knowing your birth parents. Or to be coerced into giving your child up for adoption. Children make up your world. I truly believe as a Mother that it is impossible in your heart to ever forget the promise and existence of a child that is your own, whether they are with you or not.
Hugs to you on your journey, I hope you find some closure in whatever form you decide take xxx
ok midnight now, time for bed!
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Carla, thank you for the hug, I’ll take it! As for closure, I’m not sure about that – but adoption is part of who I am, a part that yes, has created a wound but I also feel somehow I’ve integrated, or am integrating, into who I am. It’s my story and I’m glad sharing it has resonated with people. Really appreciate you joining the conversation.
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Sweetie I am so proud of you! Your blog is a blessing to me today thank you. Your ability to write so beautifully, clearly and including so much of your deep story is an inspiration. I am grateful that more of these stories are being uncovered and that along with LoveChild, politician apology, and many stories like yours I know more and feel more deeply for all those who suffered and continue to suffer.
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Thanks Krissy xx I really appreciate the support and encouragement.
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Thank you Annette. I was that baby taken without my mother ever seeing me. And like you, I wondered if I’d ever get the courage to search. I was 48, nearly 49, when I finally got to look into my mother’s eyes – to see me in someone else. The most special time. I had her for about 3 and a half years. She passed away 11 months ago.
I hope you find the courage to search – to make sure you give yourself the best chance of having those questions answered, finally seeing yourself in the genetic mirror and putting the puzzle together. An adoptee you’ll always be – the pain will continue to be triggered – but possibly you will feel more complete and more able to breath and live through the pain having finally grabbed some control back in the adoption process. I wish you well – and look forward to reading more beautifully written blogs from you. 🙂
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Hello Gaye,
There are lots of us aren’t there? I think people are very surprised by the sheer number of people that this happened to…. I still am. That never ‘seeing yourself’ thing is something I do feel keenly at times… I hope you’ll drop by again.
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[…] things include Instagram fun, GTKY posts like this one, and other musings, like this one about LoveChild. My blog’s tagline – Wanderings, Wonderings and Words, sums it up pretty […]
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Oh Annette…how well you write…I am a mother of forced adoption in glorious reunion with my beautiful daughter. We’ve had our ups and downs but we are in a good place now and I get great joy from watching her grow into and enjoy her place within her family of origin…In my fight for truth, I have had the opportunity to speak to so many adoptees over the years…most have said what you have said, but none have explained their experience nearly so eloquently. Well done. I wish you all the very best. (((HUGS)))
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Jacqui I’m so happy to hear that you and your daughter are in relationship now, that’s wonderful.
If you think my little piece could help anyone else, or make them feel less alone, please share it. I take your words as a high compliment and really appreciate them.
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Annette, I’m so sorry that you experience this pain.
My story isn’t one of adoption but I do understand the hole that is left when part of you, your heritage, is unknown and unquantifiable.
I hope you get some answers even small ones help heal at least a little.
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Thanks Lila, I certainly don’t want to give the impression that I’m a puddle of tears on a regular basis, I’m not – but it is a bizarre thing to be without ‘heritage’ in that way, though I am very proud of my family’s heritage. Thanks for popping in, reading and commenting. I appreciate it.
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Brave lady for telling your story and saying it straight! I’m over in NZ and haven’t heard of or seen the show. I wonder if the show will help to ignite the topic and start some of these important conversations? My brother and I were recently talking about how little we know of our family history. My grandfather and his sister were adopted after being found left in a park, so we know basically nothing about his side of the (genetic) family and where they came from. Hopefully one day we’ll have enough time to do some thorough research and find out some more. Good on you for writing this Annette – it addressed some things I’d never thought of before.
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Thanks Laura – the show is hugely popular here, so I think it is bringing a bit of light on the topic – though it’s the TV version of the awful stories that I’ve heard.
If you could find out your grandfather’s original name, you could do a bit of digging for family records pretty easily.
I’d be interested to know what things you hadn’t considered before, purely out of curiosity.
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Hi Annette – I am late to everything and am trying to get around and read everyone’s posts, so have only got to this today. Wow, what a beautiful piece of writing this is – how beautifully you express yourself.
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Thank you so much Priscilla, I’m glad you stopped by to read, and to comment. Much appreciated.
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I cry as I read and reread your words. I cannot possibly feel your pain, but I know of it. I was 10 and then 12 when my eldest sister and her husband adopted their son and daughter. They grew up with me and I have been like their second mother. Or is that third? My heart hurts from knowing the painful feelings of abandonmen they bear as a consequence of being adopted. The confusion, the pain, the feelings of being rejected. They are the first born of the next generation in our large, extended family. They are beautiful people, amazing spouses and wonderful parents. They are the loved, admired and respected ‘elders’ of their many cousins. They have always known they were adopted, how wanted and yearned for they were, how loved and infinitely precious they are. But sadly it’s never going to be enough for their family to love, adore and cherish them. There’s an ‘adoption wound’ on their soul. A grief that we’re powerless to take away for them. And the wound is exacerbated by so many things- having to ask me to explain about their adoption to their children when they were little because they were unable to, having a previously unknown of older sibling who was also adopted at birth make contact, having a teenage child demand that they want to find their other genetic grandparents, TV dramas that don’t in any way reflect their ‘story’, having a friend’s father reveal that he and his wife adopted out their first born child before going on to marry and have three more children but not remembering the son’s birth date…..
I can’t bear to think of our life, our family without the gift of my nephew and niece in it. We have always supported them to find their birth parents when they are ready. They both insisted as teenagers to sign so they couldn’t be contacted by their birth parents when the legislation changed.
My niece now is open and hopeful, while not daring to hope, that her birth mother will seek her out. My nephew adamant that ‘she’ rejected him, so why should he want her in his life. They are happy, successful adults living valuable lives but inside of them is the child who has been wounded by the adoption process. There is ambivalence about family of origin apart from medical history. And perverse perhaps, but always emotions have only been directed at the birth mother as if the birth father exists only in the colour of his eyes as stated. There is underlying fear of the unknown, and now the risks associated with deciding whether to meet with the birth sibling that has made contact, sometimes anger, and always I think underlying grief. There are so many dimensions to adoption that a TV drama can never hope to address. And wounds that ‘Love Child’ has opened anew for so many. I admire you and thank you for sharing your story.
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That should of course read ‘abandonment’. I apologise that my comment was so long. I only discovered your blog last night via a comment you made on Baby Mac. I am not a blog commenter, but i was moved to do so. I realise now that it was you that posted a comment on a styling blog related to your adoption that I instantly identified with. My niece taped the first two episodes of Love Child so I could be with her when she watched it. We both feared she would be distressed by it. She was confused that she wasn’t. But it’s not her story. I do hope though that the show can somehow ignite exploration,insight and compassion into the issues that adoptees, no matter how dearly wanted and loved, grapple with throughout their lives.
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Hi Tanya,
Sometimes things take a lot of words to flesh out, adoption falls into that category, so long comments are totally fine.
Sounds like your family is dealing with the unavoidable ramifications of what went on in that ‘Love Child’ era…. it’s a conversation that goes on for generations.
I am really thankful that you took the time to post, it means a lot to me that these issues that I’ve raised are reaching people, those who can identify with them because of their family’s connections with adoption, and those who are having their eyes opened to what went on.
Feel free to pop back and comment anytime Tanya, I wish you and your family well. I’m not sure how old your niece and nephew are, but there seems to be a pattern with adoptees that I know, that as we get older, we become more willing to open the door to let some light into those dark places of grief and pain. If you ever want to chat again, you can use the email icon at the top of my blog (next to the other social media buttons) if you want to do that privately.
Be well.
Annette
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Hi Annette
As an adoptee also I watched Loved Child mainly out of curiosity and although I watched the whole series I was generally disappointed. To me it was a soap opera that although it tried to address the issues somehow failed. Everyone was too pretty and wore way too much makeup. I was 14 in 1969 and don’t remember everyone looking like that except models. It will be interesting to see what happens next season.
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Hi Robyn, I understand what you’re saying – it was definitely a heightened glossy snapshot of the times, but it’s a drama, not a doco.
I do think it succeeded in bringing the topic of adoption in that era to a really wide group of viewers, who may have had no idea about what went on. I’m not sure I see them being able to sustain the show for many seasons, unless they move away from the core of what season 1 was – there are only so many times viewers will want to see variations on those themes.
That’s the difference for people whose lives were impacted by those times, for us it isn’t just a TV show that we love and makes us ‘cry like babies’ as a lot of people have commented on social media (a strange choice of words given the topic), it’s our life.
Really appreciate you joining the conversation Robyn.
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My first Mother isn’t here to fill me in. It is painful.
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I’m sorry to hear that Samantha… are you able to have contact any biological family? Not sure if you’ve searched or not… it’s so fraught isn’t it? If only there had been support rather than judgment.
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I understand
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A lot of people do Kitty – a lot of us.
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Just reading your description of this series made my heart race. I’m so sorry for the millions of us who are affected by this.
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It is certainly more widespread than a lot of people realise Samantha.
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Oh Netty. Your sharing of your story makes me reflect on my story, and how I almost forget the history of my parents life and how it has impacted my life. Whilst I am not adopted, my mum had me extremely young and whilst knowing I am biologically his my whole life, my dad has never acknowledged me. I spoke to him for the first time by accident on the phone when I was 16, and he asked me if I had received all of the birthday cards he had sent me. I replied in a wobbly voice ,’you sent me birthday cards?’ And he laughed and said, ‘nah’.
It feels cruel that I know about him, our families are vaguely intertwined and my dad and I are even friends on facebook, but he will not communicate with me on any level. Sometimes I think I would prefer not to know about him at all.
I don’t know. It’s such a complicated issue.
I’m not sure how to end this comment, except to say I’m here for you if you ever want to chat. But you know that already.
I think you have/are doing a great job with opening the channels of communication and discussing your story. Big love. X
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Oh Tash, that must be so, so hard. Ugh. I’m so sorry that you know some of this pain.
Families are so complicated aren’t they?
We need to hug it out! ❤️❤️
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